Specimen Times: Your Own Essay. By Robert Massa

Specimen Times: Your Own Essay. By Robert Massa

Plus: ‘A Diary of coping with AIDS’ and ‘Remembering Robert — Seven Writers Commemorate a Colleague and Friend’

Specimen times: Scenes Through the Epidemic 22, 1994 february

I DON’T UNDERSTAND where you can go as the doctor’s is left by me workplace. The stores and individuals appear two-dimensional. Noises are muffled. We keep thinking: focus on everything you feel. But all personally i think may be the wind.

I recall the museum is near by. The woodwork that is heavy the leaded windows, the cavernous spaces remind me personally of primary college. I go within the central staircase, after the course in which the rock was worn down by footsteps.

I’m impressed as constantly because of the dinosaur bones. These are typically exhibited for action — about to battle, planning to feed.

A trip guide breaks my ideas. She informs band of schoolchildren to ignore the indications when you look at the glass instances; normal history is advancing therefore quickly, she describes that the curator can’t keep up, plus some of this info is away from date.

I’m disappointed to consider which our technology will seem quaint and some­day that I’ll can’t say for sure just just just what really took place to your dinosaurs.


WE HEAD INTO a glassed-in sidewalk cafe near Du­pont Circle. We ensure it is a true indicate stay across from Daniel because i wish to flirt minus the others noticing. We speak about the way the other countries in the globe appears so aware that is little of we have been going right on through and just how much the neighborhood changed. We purchase omelettes; we shop around and understand it’s lunchtime when it comes to some other clients.

Daniel happens to be traveling into the Midwest and states he’s impressed by exactly exactly how close knit homosexual individuals appear in little towns; he’d trade a number of the freedom we’ve in ny for the feeling of community. We begin to have fun with the game, staring a little too much time, jerking our attention away. He apologizes for making use of Sweet ’n minimal, and I also confess I prefer too much sodium. We examine the cup and say Washington could be a place that is nice in the end.

However knock my fork on the ground and bend right down to choose it, but I’m perhaps perhaps not watching and I also slam my forehead from the next dining table. It’s quiet all over. I lookup to say, “I’m fine, ” but before I have the words down I see two falls of my bloodstream, vivid red up against the white linen.

We DRIVE to your suburbs to see my dad within the hospital. My hometown seems too manicured, like those model towns we utilized to construct for the train set. My father’s space is in a unique wing regarding the medical center, with fall ceilings, sheetrock walls, and a crucifix that is small every home.

My mom and sibling are there any. They are told by me Dad looks good and my mom smiles. We commence to resent the interest he’s getting.

Later, i’m alone with my dad as he wakes up. We now have little talk. Unexpectedly, he asks if individuals nevertheless get AIDS from transfusions. I’m startled simply to hear him state your message. I do want to simply tell him i am aware exactly just just how afraid and alone he seems, but I’m not ready for him to understand about me personally. He is told by me to perhaps perhaps perhaps not worry — they screen bloodstream now. He does not look convinced, but sets their head straight straight back and drifts down to fall asleep. We touch their hand and notice how much our hands are alike.

A weeks that are few he’s back and we visit him once more. He appears little and hunched over, nevertheless the quickness has returned in the eyes. He offers me personally a key up to a deposit that is safe; their might plus some cost cost savings bonds are in. If any such thing occurs to him, it’s as much as us to manage the arrangements. I’m the just one who will be relaxed adequate to know very well what to complete.


We ADHERE PETER out to your coastline. Kiddies through the village play down within the distance. The sun’s rays has already been strong. Peter sits during the edge that is water’s reduces his mind. We sit a feet that are few, wondering things to state. It had been easier straight back into the town; here there clearly was too much effort to think. I look right straight straight back during the visitor household and notice once more just just how shabby it is gotten.

We touch their neck. He does not would you like to perish alone. He does not would you like to perish. We simply tell him We realize, I’m going right through it too. That does not soothe him. He starts up once again, telling me personally exactly just how their buddy passed away. We turn away.

Further along the coastline, somebody has sculpted a full life­ size individual within the sand. The hands are crossed within the upper body just like a physical human anatomy in a casket. The facial skin is calm. I begin to tell www.speedyloan.net/installment-loans-tn/ Peter We heard these sculptures are included in a folk that is old nevertheless practiced from the area, but halfway through, We can’t remember if that’s true or We imagined it.

Instantly, we envy their hysteria. We make sure he understands that the frightened child inside of him could be the component I adore many and if he got sick that I would be there. He calms down. We opt to go after a swim. The water’s too cool additionally the tide’s to arrive, but it is made by us past where in fact the waves are breaking and immerse under the sun and also the sodium as well as the movement. As soon as we return to secure, the sand corpse is washed away.

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