Finding A Black Guy: Dating Woes For Seattle’s Black Ladies

Finding A Black Guy: Dating Woes For Seattle’s Black Ladies

Seattle days columnist Jerry big had written in regards to the black colored experience with Seattle by which black colored ladies reported on how few black colored men there have video dating been up to now. One girl stated to “bring your personal black colored males (or ladies) up to now because Seattle is difficult on black colored ladies’ dating aspirations.”

A lot more than 10 years later on, black females state that’s nevertheless the actual situation.

Which is the reason why, to some extent, Margo Jones discovers by by herself when a thirty days at Sea-Tac Airport, either picking right on up her boyfriend Ramonde Carpenter, or traveling away to nyc to see him.

For a current Monday, it ended up being their move to see, as soon as he arrived, they laughed and hugged and kissed. Without doubt about this: these were completely in love.

The travel may be costly and exhausting, but also for Jones, it is much better than no relationship at all. She echoed the ladies in Large’s column, stating that it is extremely difficult to locate a man that is black date in Seattle.

University of Washington sociologists Stewart Tolnay and Kyle Crowder called it the “marriage squeeze,” noting the decreasing price of black colored ladies engaged and getting married.

Within the last 40 years, black colored females have experienced a harder time finding black colored males to marry for various reasons – high mortality, high incarceration rates and marriage that is interracial.

For solitary women that are black that may suggest being prepared to head out. That’s what it indicates for 37-year-old Marquetta Riley, anyhow.

On a recently available Friday evening, Riley, a high, healthy girl, stood before her vanity, the full spread of makeup products and locks services and products in the front of her. Her makeup brushes made a tapping noise as she dusted off her last application of attention shadow and powder.

“I’ve surely got to get beautified,” she said, laughing. “A small makeup products, only a little blush, a small attention shadow. Ah, a complete great deal of attention shadow.”

Riley happens to be in relationships before, a lot of them cross country. With this Friday evening, she’s meeting an ex-boyfriend from 14 years back for dinner her hours before from Los Angeles, saying he would be in Seattle around 7 p.m– he called.

She’s got a sort: “Dark skinned, tall, slim, like athletic-build black colored males. That’s all I’m interested in,” she stated. Quite difficult to locate that key in Seattle – or even find one that’sn’t timid, she stated.

For instance, four weeks ago Riley is at a bar-restaurant called Cactus whenever she spotted a nice-looking man that is black.

“I happened to be like, ‘in which did you result from, black colored guy that is therefore attractive?’” she said. “Because that is few and far between too! And then he kept switching around taking a look at me personally for around 45 mins. He never ever as soon as stated hello, he never offered the black colored individual head nod – nothing, do you know what after all, absolutely nothing!

I would have at least got the, ‘Hey, how you doing?’” she said“If I were in another city.

As she ready because of this Friday evening, she stated that she’s come to recognize that the males she prefers don’t inhabit Seattle.

And thus she faces a dilemma: “i could select my profession and my entire life right right here, or i could relocate to be happier an additional percentage of my entire life. Therefore is it better for me personally become in a relationship for me to be successful and independent or is it more important? That’s the concern.”

Family therapist Heidi Henderson-Lewis stated she’d encourage black colored females like Riley to help keep an open brain – especially right here in Seattle.

Henderson-Lewis counsels black partners; she also includes a help group called the “black marriage movement.”

“There’s this term we used in our society, plus it’s called ‘scotoma,’ plus it’s fundamentally blinders, you merely see just what you prefer,” Henderson-Lewis said. “You’ll find a way to eliminate those scotomas you may need, and you also could actually observe that there are more guys nowadays that may move you to delighted. in the event that you increase your opinions of what’s good, and what”

Right right right straight Back at Sea-Tac Airport, Ramonde Carpenter stated he intends to proceed to Seattle when you look at the the following year or two. Jones stated she’s ready to wait – after all, she’s waited this long.

Proceed with the hashtag #blackinseattle on Twitter and include your concerns and insights.

Funding for Ebony In Seattle had been supplied by the KUOW Program Venture Fund. Contributors consist of Paul and Laurie Ahern, the KUOW Board of Directors and Listener members.

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